Zidane's Book
by Ace1
Summary: Zidane decides to write a book for money. It doesn't go over well with everyone though... Warning: KUJA BASHING


  
  


**ZIDANE'S BOOK**  
**BY ACE****  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own FFIX or any of the characters in it, Brittany Spears, The Thong Song or Wheaties. Too bad. I do however own 1-800-NOSTUTTER.   
  
**  


One day, Zidane was walking down the long streets of Alexandria when he came to the Weapons Shop.  
I would like that dagger-sword thingy! Zidane declared with his hands on his hips like a certain brown haired hero with an attitude...  
Are you sure you have enough money, it's 3,000,000,000 gil. The shopkeeper explained not looking up from his Pet Pal weekly magazine.  
3,000,000,000 gil!!!!! WHAT A RIP OFF!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SOOOOO INSULTED IN MY LIFE!!!! I SHOULD GET IT FREE!! I SAVED THE WORLD MY PRETTY CANARY!!  
Pretty Canary? the shop keeper eyed Zidane.  
Dammit Kuja! Zidane cursed.   
Well if you did really save the world... (The shopkeeper suddenly coughed something that sounded suspiciously like yeah right) ...Then you probably have some sort of adventures to tell. If I was you, I'd go into book writing. Then you'll have enough money to buy anything!  
You're right!!!! Zidane declared. Dagger and I have had some great adventures! Thanks a bunch!  
With that Zidane happily ran out of the store. 3 hours later in a quiet room at the castle...  
There, finally done! Zidane declared holding up his finished story.  
Just then, Vivi stumble into the room.  
Hey Zidane Vivi said without a stutter (All thanks to 1-800-NOSTUTTER)  
Oh Vivi, just the person I need to run my story through with! Zidane said, he then explained his ordeal at the weapons shop and handed the story over to Vivi.  
Okay you start with a title page, good so far... Vivi said picking up the story. WHAT! Zidane's Adventures with Dagger in Bed??? I don't think this is what the shop owner meant... Besides I think you should ask Dagger about this, it could really destroy her image!  
Image ,shmimage! Zidane said getting a little angry. I'll show you! I'll go over to Dagger and show her the story right now and she'll be thrilled!  
1 minute later Zidane walked back in with a black eye and his story ripped in half. Vivi was about to say something but Zidane suddenly death-glared him. Vivi suddenly started saying and walked off waving his arms.  
Good Riddance! Zidane yelled after him.   
Zidane walked over and threw the remaining scraps of his story into the trash.  
What do I remember about saving the world? he pondered aloud. I'm just a monkey with a human body! Or is it the other way around? Oh who cares!!!  
Zidane's eyes suddenly lit up.   
I KNOW!!!!!! Zidane declared. I'll ask my dear older brother!  
With that Zidane set out on The Invincible and came to Kuja's underground palace. Zidane knocked on the door.  
Who is it? Kuja called walking out. He was wearing nothing but a loin clothe that didn't fit. Oh Zidane, you came just in time! My Brittany Spears fan club just left!  
Zidane let a high pitch scream and ran where he couldn't see Kuja. For God's sake put something on!!!!!!  
Kuja said walking inside. In a few minutes Kuja was dressed again ( If you can call what he wears dressed.) and they were both sat down drinking tea.  
Kuja said finishing up what he was writing and handing it to Zidane. That will be perfect for your story!  
Zidane took the paper and read it.  
he yelled. That has nothing to do with what happened! HEY! Isn't this the thong song?  
Kuja suddenly said he remembered an important meeting he had to attend and ran off.  
Zidane said contorting his face. I guess I'll ask Dagger for advice, she must have cooled down by now!  
So Zidane once again got into The Invincible and flew back to Alexandria. He walked into Dagger's room. Vivi was there talking but as soon as he saw Zidane, he started chanting and left.  
Well Zidane... Dagger said obviously still mad from before. What do you want?  
Zidane explained his situation from when he had shown Dagger the first draft.   
Well..... Dagger started telling Zidane the story but in a very mushy way.  
Zidane cried after 20 minutes of mushiness. I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! NO ONE LIKES MUSHY STORIES!!!!  
Dagger's face suddenly turned bright red and she started throwing things at Zidane. (including Eiko)  
GET OUT!!!! She screamed.  
Zidane ran out and closed the door behind him. Eiko sat up from her sprawled position on the ground.  
HEEEEEEEEEY ZIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE! She yelled in an announcer like voice.  
Keep it down! Zidane said plugging his ears.  
I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T Eiko continued yelling. I SWAAAAAAALLOOOOOOOWED A MINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MICROPHOOOONE IN MY BOX OF WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEATIES!  
Then why are you talking like an announcer? Zidane questioned her.  
IIIIIIIIIIIIT'S AAAAAAAAAAAAALIIIIVE! Eiko screamed even louder and jumped out the window.  
Zidane cursed. I could have sued for her and gotten all the money I wanted! Now back to this dumb book!!!!   
Zidane kept on asking everyone he saw for ideas but to him, they were all dumb. Everyone was really trying to avoid him since they thought he killed Eiko and made Vivi insane. (After saying kill... kill too much Vivi really lost his mind.) The main reason they didn't want to talk to him was that there was a rumor that he had been hanging out with Kuja. Everyone was thankful because they thought Zidane had finally given up writing and settled down.  
3 months later....  
Dagger walked down the dusty shelves of books at the library. She walked over to the new book rack and screamed. There was a book on the shelf entitled Zidane's Adventures with Ruby in Bed . Next to the name Ruby it said: Or someone that kind of looks like Ruby who used to have long hair but she cut it and now it grew back, wears yellow, and might just be the queen of Alexandria.   
So Zidane finally got his dagger-sword thingy but the punishment was far worse than what he got in the end. Dagger forced him to live with Kuja for 2 months and help out with the Brittany Spears fan club. ew.  
  


**The End**


End file.
